Of Flowers and Bees
by AppleJTZ
Summary: Since he is spending more and more time with Ronnie-Anne, Lincoln's parents decide it is time to have a certain conversation with him. (Note: Takes place before "Relative Chaos")


It was a calm afternoon in the Loud house. Since both were having the day off, Mr. and Mrs. Loud were sitting on the couch in the living room. Mrs. Loud was reading a magazine while Mr. Loud had his head sunken in the newspapers.

The door to the house then swung open. "I'm home!" Lincoln called as he entered.

"Hey there, champ!" his father greeted him, without raising his gaze from the newspapers.

"How was school?" his mother asked.

"It was okay" Lincoln simply replied, already walking up the stairs. Half way up he stopped, and leaned over the railing. "Oh, by the way I'll be off to the Arcade later."

His mother smiled warmly at him. "Okay, sweetie. You and Clyde have fun!"

"I'm not going with Clyde" Lincoln told her. "I'm hanging out with Ronnie Anne."

While still smiling, the corners of Mrs. Loud's face seemed to be twitching slightly. "Oh. Well, greet her from me!"

"Will do, mom!"

Mrs. Lincoln listened to her son going up the stairs, and shortly after, heard him closing the door to his room. Looking after him she put her magazine aside. "Lincoln is spending a lot of time lately with this Ronnie Anne lately" she remarked, a thoughtful look on her face.

His chest swelling with pride, Mr. Loud smirked in content. "Yep. Looks like our little boy is starting to become a man."

"Exactly" Mrs. Loud agreed, turning towards her husband. "And that's why I think it's about time you had a little… conversation with him. From man-to-man."

The newspapers slipped through Mr. Loud's fingers. As the pages scattered across the floor, he stared with wide eyes at his wife. "O-oh, come on honey, isn't it about early for that? L-Lincoln's not that old! He still has a few years-"

"No, I think it's better to have this talk as early as possible" Mrs. Loud insisted, sounding a little worried. "We waited too long with Lori, and you know what happened!"

"Now honey, fake positive results aren't uncommon with those tests…"

"I still almost got a heart-attack when she came crying to me! And if I remember correctly, you down-right fainted."

Mr. Loud cleared his throat. "Well I doubt something like that will happen with Lincoln. But, if you're so worried, maybe you should-"

He stopped midsentence as his wife was suddenly looming above him. "Ooooh no mister, you are not wriggling yourself out of this one!" she declared, stemming her fists against her side. "I already taught Luna how to "rock out", talked with Luan about "dirty jokes" and told Lynn everything about "touch-downs" and scoring a "homerun" – and I'm still trying to find a way to explain Leni! Now it's your turn."

Feeling a knot forming in his stomach, Mr. Loud gulped. "But-"

"Lincoln's the only boy in this house, dear" she said, looking with a sifter expression at him. "And this is something a boy must talk about with his father."

Quiet Mr. Loud looked at his wife for a moment, before letting out a sigh. "Fine" he mumbled. "I'll go talk to him."

A smile formed on her face as he got up from the couch. "Good. And don't worry – it's not as bad as you think." As he went up the stairs, Mrs. Loud put a finger on her chin. "Maybe sock puppets will help Leni to understand…"

* * *

Lying on his bed, Lincoln was reading a comic when someone knocked on the door. "Lincoln, can I come in?" his father asked.

"One second, dad!" Quickly Lincoln put on pants and a shirt, and opened the door. Being a former laundry closet, his room offered little place as Mr. Loud stepped inside. Closing the door behind him, he looked at his son with a nervous smile on his face.

"Hey there, Lincoln!" he said. He then paused for a moment, his mind racing to find a way to start the conversation. "So, um… your hanging out with Ronnie-Anne later?"

Apparently not noticing the nervous behavior of his father, Lincoln nodded. "Yup. We'll hang out at the arcade, have some burgers and fries…"

"Oh, that sounds nice!"

"…and then we'll be heading over to her place."

Mr. Loud could feel sweat forming on his forehead. "But, um, aren't Bobby and Mrs. Santiago at work?"

Lincoln nodded. "Yeah. We'll be all alone."

Unnoticeably, his father gulped. "Er, w-why don't you come over here instead where it's not so lonely?" To himself, he added: "And where we've got an eye on you two…"

A smirk spread across Lincoln's face. "Well actually, we want to make full use of being alone…"

Mr. Loud's heart skipped a beat.

"…so we can play video games at max volume!"

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Is there something else you wanted?" Lincoln asked.

Again, tension was building up in Mr. Loud's nerves. Pulling on his collar tried to stay calm. "Well, Lincoln, to be honest, there is something very important I need to talk to you about." He sat down on the edge of the bed, patting the spot next to him. "Sit down, Lincoln."

Though a little confused Lincoln did as he was told. Sitting side by side with his son, Mr. Loud patted with his hands on his knees, while more and more sweat was running down his face.

"So, um…" Mr. Loud pondered about how to approach the topic. "Oh, I know! Imagine you were a bee and Ronnie-Anne was a flower. Now, the bee carefully approaches the flower, because it wants its nectar, and-"

"What kind of flower?" Lincoln interrupted him.

Surprised, Mr. Loud looked at his son. "Huh?"

"What kind of flower is Ronnie-Anne?"

The question of his son took Mr. Loud completely by surprise. Since it was kind of important for him to picture the process, he couldn't dismiss it however. "Well, um… I don't know. What kind of flower do you think she is?"

After thinking for a moment, Lincoln replied: "Poison Ivy."

His father gave Lincoln a long, puzzled stare. "That's… that won't work, Lincoln."

Again Lincoln pondered. "Then maybe a rose?"

Mr. Loud smiled. "Aw, how romantic!"

"No Dad, I mean because of the thorns" Lincoln quickly made clear. After thinking some more, he said: "Actually, I rather see Ronnie-Anne as a bee than a flower."

"What?" Mr. Loud shook his head. "But Ronnie-Anne can't be the bee!"

"Why not?"

"Because… because the bee stings!"

Lincoln shrugged. "So does Ronnie-Anne."

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Mr. Loud sighed. "You know what? Forget the flower and the bee, we're going at this differently. Imagine you were a ship and Ronnie-Anne was your harbor."

Arching an eyebrow, Lincoln looked oddly at his father. "I should imagine Ronnie-Anne to be a… harbor?"

Mr. Loud sat quietly on the bed for a moment, reflecting on his rather abstract example. "Yeah, screw that. Let's see… Oh, I know! Flamingos…"

"Dad, is this gonna take much longer?" Lincoln interrupted him, casting a glance at his Fish-mutant clock. "I've gotta go meet up with Ronnie Anne soon."

Mr. Loud looked at his son. For a short moment, he saw the little kid that he used to be just a few years ago, the kid he taught how to ride a bike and was riding on the space rocket at the supermarket. However, as he looked at his face and the rest of his body, he realized that while still ae boy, he was really starting to become a man. "Okay, Lincoln" he said, his tone more serious and calm than before. "No more beating around the bush – this is an important matter. I'll just get straight to the point." He took in a deep breath. "So, when you like a girl…"

* * *

A very awkward conversation later, Lincoln and his Dad came out of his room.

"And that's all you need to know!" Mr. Loud said as he closed the door behind them. "Any more questions?"

Lincoln shook his head. "Um, no. You were very… figurative." He shuddered a little, but then smiled at his father. "Still, I'm glad you talked to me about this. Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome" his father said, ruffling his hair. "And boy, I was never so glad you are our only son! Now go and have fun with Ronnie Anne."

"Thanks dad!" As he walked away, he called over his shoulder. "And don't worry, I'll take your words to heart.

As Lincoln went down the stairs, his father laughed. "That's my boy" he said proudly. Suddenly, after he heard Lincoln close the door of the house behind him he froze. "WAIT LINCOLN! I DIDN'T MEAN YOU TO PUT IT TO USE RIGHT AWAY!"

In a flash he was running down the stairs after his son. Shortly afterwards, the door to Leni's and Lori's room opened. "Okay Leni, did you get everything this time?" Mrs. Loud asked as she slipped the socks puppets off her hands.

Looking confused, Leni put a finger on her chin. "I'm not sure… can you explain again why the balloon is so important?"


End file.
